To My Adoptive Parents

To my adoptive parents,

First of all, there are no words to express the gratitude I have for being blessed to call you my mom and dad. I know this road we have traveled together hasn't always been the easiest or most pleasant one. 

I was at times a horribly selfish and disrespectful person towards you. I want you to know that I am truly sorry for all the times I told you that you weren't my real parents and that I wish I were back with my real parents because they would be better parents. The truth is, all those things couldn't be farther from the truth. The reality is that I was suffering silently on the inside and didn't have the life experience or maturity to understand what I was feeling. You see, I had this irrational belief that I was inadequate and that there was something wrong with me. I didn't understand why my biological parents would give me up for adoption unless something was wrong with me. I was angry at God. I thought he hated me and was abandoning me. I grew up trying to figure out what my biological parents saw in me that made them walk away from me. I thought that if I figured that out I could fix it before you found out and abandoned me too. I spent all those years acting out to push you away so it wouldn't hurt so much when you walked away from me like I believed you would. The biggest mistake I made was selfishly believing that you couldn't possibly understand how inadequate and broken I felt.

I can't imagine what it's like to spend years trying to conceive a child only to discover that you can't and have no explanation as to why. I can't imagine what it's like to spend all that money and time on fertility treatments just to have them not work. I can only imagine that you must have felt as inadequate and broken as I did. You must have questioned God's love and intentions for you just as I did. And you must have feared that your partner might not love you as much because you couldn't fulfill the dream of parenthood together. 

The truth is that we couldn't be a better match for each other. In reality, we understand each others feelings in inadequacy and self-consciousness better than anyone else. God didn't just forget about us, he brought us together to show us that imperfect starts can have perfect endings.

So Mom and Dad, thank you for loving me like you do.





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